Holy Tornado

To see the soul of your comrade listen carefully to his music.

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

FUNNY BOOK

Copyright 1992, this book has been shuffled around my house from room to room for several years. It finally picked it up today.
The author writes about the miseries of dieting and adds a poem by the late Victor Buono. I hope it makes you smile as it did me.

"Lord my soul is ripped with riot,
Incited by my wicked diet.
"We are what we eat," said a wise old man.
Lord if that's true, I'm a garbage can.

I want to rise on judgement day, thats plain,
But at my present weight I'll need a crane.
So grant me strength that I may not fall
Into the clutches of cholesterol.

My flesh with carrot curls be sated,
That my soul may be polyunsaturated.
And show me the light that I may bear witness
To the president's council on physical fitness.

And Oleo margerine I'll never mutter,
The road to hell is spread with butter.
And cream is cursed, and cake is awful,
And Satan is hiding in every waffle.

Mephistopheles lurks in provolone,
The devil is in each slice of bologna.
Beezlebub is a chocolate drop
And Lucifer is a lollypop.

Give me this day, my daily slice
But cut it thin and toast it twice.
I beg upon my dimpled knees,
Deliver me from Ju Jubees.

And when my days of trial are done,
And my war with malted milk is won
Let me stand with the saints in heaven,
In a shining robe size thirty-seven!

I can do it, Lord, if you'll show to me
The virtues of lettuce and celery
If you'll teach me the evils of mayonnaise
The sinfulness of Hollandaise

And Pasta Milanese
And potatoes a la Lyonnaise,
And crisp fried chicken from the South.
Lord, if you love me, SHUT MY MOUTH!

Next post will cover CALORIES THAT DON'T COUNT.
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